as a reminder


this blog doesn’t have any followers, nor any readers. this is merely my place online to store thoughts. to remind myself who i was, who i was trying to become, until all the realities came crashing down. this is me. this is who i am inside. something i’ve never shown anyone or have ever come to terms with.

I’ve a different individual among friends and family, cheerful and loving. yet, I’ve been broken. I’ve been crying for help where no one has ever heard. But I’ve been strong, I have to be a rock. I have to be unafraid.

I’ve been doing everything alone, independent from anybody for so long that I’ve forgot how it felt to have support and love.

I keep this little corner of the web up. for people who manage to stumble upon it. I want this to be one thing I can leave behind, one thing I know that will always be the genuine me. I don’t know you reader, but I assure you if you stick around. You can know me.

I wasn’t always this broken, this lost. it’s just somehow, all the love I had withered away, all my ambition trapped, all my confidence in people….gone.

But, you know what reader? I know i can get through this. I know I’ll once again redeem myself. One day I’ll post all the cool things I have done, I’ll share that with all of you. I’ve been through a lot reader, I won’t deny the success I’ve accomplished. Alone. Imagine what I can do with support.

I don’t want to pour my heart, my soul, my effort and my passion out for the whole world to see and then see it be crushed and rejected again. This is why I’ve found solace in solitude for all these years….

I don’t want anybody to see me cry again. But I feel that even a broken soul like mine deserves happiness…


I think I’ve stumbled onto some real artistic talent, I believe this is the family I’ve been looking for all my life. 

I’ve always been a big dreamer my entire life, I’ve always wanted to make something big and make something incredible. I don’t think I’ve been surrounding myself with people who are legitimately motivated. Artistically speaking, I like working on certain projects just for fun, and my peers growing up didn’t do that. So, I was actually fueling myself doing stuff alone. It wasn’t bad at all, in a way I thought it’s because they had their own thing but sure enough I’ve come to realize how different I was, how I almost wasted my talents.

I’m not hating on my friends, I love them to death. There just comes a time where you outgrow them. I like to consider myself as a creative, my work requires me to make something awesome looking out of lines of code. This is a passion, a passion that burns my heart and soul. You see, I always had this energy but had to let it out alone, my very close friends are guys with nursing degrees, an aviation mechanic, political science and marketing majors. I took the technology route, but ultimately landed in the creative field, I followed my passion.

Different people, different outlooks but we bonded so well. You can’t hate them.

I’m probably disappointed that I was running with the wrong crowd, that’s why I clicked with my College buddies, we can relate on an intellectual and geeky level. This group is really smart but I was a creative going to school for a technical degree. The only time I shined and was extremely motivated was when I was designing a UI. These guys have the passion and drive I was looking for, not the area.

These peer groups made me who I am, I love them for that. I love my highschool brothers and my college family. I’ve moved since then and it’s been almost 2 years since I last saw any of them.

I moved on one decision, a cousin I look up to growing up visited and gave me the most motivational talk of my life. I decided to step out of my comfort zone, pursue my dreams and move to California. That meant leaving all my friends and family and starting fresh.

I did find a group that would make me feel at home. This was the peers I was looking for all along. We had song writers, photographers, artists, video directors, we have everything! They even have me for web design. The difference between my friends I left in the Philippines is that every time we get together we always do something, we always come up with something not just talking about the past and drinking, no! We plan ahead talking about the future and how we’re gonna get it. I want that kind of ambition, I like surrounding myself in that talent and gusto. That way I’m motivated but I’m never alone.

When you think about it, you’re only as good as the people you hang out with. I admire 3 of my brothers from highschool, they’re still pursuing what they want in Nursing, one has a cool job in Avionics, the rest just gave up and settled. Call center and computer shops, kids but they’re happy. It’s not a bad thing, we all have our paths they took nursing because it was the popular program back then. I took IT because I was good at it. It’s funny how things turn out…I’ve always wondered if I wasted those years and if I could’ve done even better if I was running with different people.

My only disappointment is that when I first met my bestfriends we said someday we would rule the world together. I’m still hustling and grinding to achieve that but not with my bestfriends.

We all have those ambitions, those dreams we pursue constantly. When I was 8 I dreamt I was going to be a comedian, it was silly and childish yet it was pure. Come 12 years old Areffio, was discovering technology and the full potential of the internet, I became obsessed. I wanted to be able to do all the shiny flash-related web stuff, I made an article about a web designer I interviewed for a class paper, which was eventually turned down by my group mates. They didn’t believe that web design was a real occupation. I had to interview a street vendor instead.

I had to interview a street vendor instead.

That folks, was the first time I had to compromise. I was 14, in 8th grade. It felt necessary but  regretful. It became a habit for me to settle for what I had, without pursuing what I wanted, what I deserved. After that I enrolled in a college that was 3rd on my list, took up and got a degree in a field I knew I was good at but never really liked. I settled, I compromised, I didn’t reach my full potential.

That was my main mindset, I had to make use of what I had. After graduation I had jobs that I didn’t really like, making less than my peers, turned down offers from big soul-sucking companies. My mind was conflicted that I did not know what to do with my life. Why did I do that? Why did I not sign contracts with big named “fortune 500” companies?

My uncle told me to ask myself one question everytime I commit to a career path, “Would I be happy doing this after 10 years?” and for the most part my answers were usually, “No”.

I had a rough 2010-2011 because of that, I was strict on money, been drinking every night but I was doing one thing that made me who I am today. I still had that passion for web design and development. I was doing jobs that offered little to no money, built my portfolio, stayed days locked up in my room armed only with a laptop, but I was happier than when I was going to work. I was doing what I love. It was tough though, I eventually needed money so I had to compromise again by working at a call center doing tech support for a few months. It was brutal and harsh but it built character. I was shot down and was depressed because I didn’t dream this, I was still doing web design at this time since I loved it so much. It kept me going, believing and practicing.  

I honed my web development skills in that time period and finally mustered up the courage and took a huge leap of flying out of the Philippines and coming back to The Bay Area. For the first time in my life, I stepped out of my comfort zone.

To be honest I was scared and skeptical at first but I was optimistic. I eventually landed a temporary job a month later, a Front End Web Developer doing web design for a small start up. I was ecstatic! I was doing design for big movies and tv shows on facebook. I was doing things I usually would’ve only dreamt of. I’ve ended that job now, but I have had jobs after that had me doing the same thing and I loved every minute of those jobs.

I’m still not where I want to be but as a 23 year old? I’m slowly getting there. I didn’t compromise and fought for what I loved, I fell down countless times, wanted to give up to the point my mom even told me to start flipping burgers. I took it slow, steady and eventually took that first step towards my dreams. I didn’t compromise so I’m here and love what I do.

Now, when I ask myself “Would I be happy doing this after 10 years?” my answer is “YES!”.

Never forget your passion, fight compromise, you’ll get there eventually.

I’ve worked for ad agencies, and have been a part of an in house marketing team. Social Media is a simple way to advertise your brand to the right consumers, cheaper than t.v. commercials and way more effective than radio ads. It gets users engaged with the brands they know and love, it’s a advertiser’s gold mine.

With that being said, social media is a toxic environment to the individual. It’s nothing but “one upping” your entire network and in worst cases, you lose productivity. I know the in and outs of the business and frankly I’m no saint, I’ve done everything I’m about to write against in this post. 

I’ve started out with twitter and facebook and I can say that twitter is pretty much the same back in 2007, but facebook has changed completely. I tend to keep my shit private for a good reason but the things I’ve witnessed and seen are the reason I can conclude the unhealthiness of social media. 

Social Networks are made to keep in contact with friends and colleagues for the most part, a lot of times it’s to keep in touch with people you hardly call or hangout with like an old co-worker or that classmate you’ve connected with once in English class. So in theory this is a really good thing right? Yes it is, remember that Facebook’s original purpose was a harvard database of students, a network and one thing I’ve learned during my young web programming career is that networks matter especially on LinkedIn.

However, in the case of Facebook everything has blown out of proportion. People have that tendency of bragging, attention seeking and trolling. For the most part, this has a negative effect on the human psyche, people use these networks for all the wrong reasons.

In the case of bragging, of course you all have friends that like posting pictures of what they had for lunch, or that they drink at a hipster coffee shop, or the new kind of expensive things they’ve bought (guilty).

I believe this is instagram in a nutshell, opposed to sharing art or really fancy looking shit, they result in a daily picture of what they had for lunch, that photo op they had with friends or countless pictures of their kid. I have no problem with this, except people do it way too much, too much to the point that I start unfollowing them or their posts. Here I am on Instagram being bombarded by someone’s kid or that fried egg this girl cooked instead of looking at cool artsy photos my homie took. It’s because people have that tendency of trying to ‘one-up’ each other. It’s a constant photo-op showcasing how wonderful their lives are, or for that girl that cooked a fried egg, telling the world that she can cook. I’m happy that you got a new Macbook, I’m happy that you had an awesome lunch, I’m happy that you are trying to lose weight, I get it and I’m happy for all of you, but sometimes all that sharing is way too much, you can try and keep something special and private for yourselves. People are so busy with keeping their online personas cool that they forget to live their lives offline.

I draw heaps when I’m bored or when I feel inspirational. Today, being a rainy Thursday I decided to do just that. I like drawing anime characters so I made on out of a manga I am reading, Freezing. Here are pictures taken from an hour in up to the final product of my render, Satellizer El Bridget.

At first when making a render things look weird and clunky. It definitely gets discouraging and it’ll look like crap but after a little hard work and a whole lot of time it’ll look amazing.

After a rough line art of the whole figure, you can start coloring the base.  At this stage you can finally see your picture taking shape. I usually focus on the eyes first because they’re fun to do and they look amazing when they’re done right. But here’s she is 2 hours in.

After I’ve colored everything in I start with her skin tone, you see how detailed the lighting is? Make sure you have and know what your light source is. Mine is on the left side, this will affect how your shadows and toning looks. Trust me that fact I just told is REALLY essential.

After 4-5 hours (including eating, chatting and other stuff) Here’s my near final product I’m still working on the body and maybe adding more intense lines but more or less this is how she’ll look like.

So in an attempt to breakthrough and become a doer instead of waiting for destiny, on a whim I’ve decided to fly out and live in San Francisco. I’d take a shot at about anything. You see, social media has been a passion of mine. I like looking at trends, I like making things according to those trends, I like to develop but my development has decreased lately. Sure I read constantly about PHP , Android, APIs, etc. non stop but I think that’s nowhere near what I can accomplish with practical hands on and pressure.

Free will is what does this, I read fast, I learn really quick since that’s what I’m best at. I adapt. But given a chance of happy hour or coding? You all know what you’ll choose. Pressure is my motivation. If I can’t do it I’ll sacrifice sleep and find a way to do it. There’s a difference between wanting something and being obligated to do it. This is what school taught me. I can’t start my business, not like this. When I’m alone I lack the discipline I need.

People keep asking me “why are you leaving?” I answer to be better. Right now, I feel the Philippines is my comfort zone. Loads of friends, government contacts, you feel special and try to strive less because you feel comfy. I’ll look into a job somewhere I’m slightly familiar with and start hacking away at an opportunity to grow. I know I’m okay myself, but I can be amazing with people around me. I’ll be great when I’m experienced, but I’ll be the best with falls.

I guess I only write these for self motivation, and I like to share these thoughts to you.

There are 3 types of people in the world.

The people who cook their food.
The people who eat out.
The people who order take-out.

The difference? Easy. One is hardworking, the other is social and the last is lazy.
Hardworkers stay at home to make the perfect meal, or if they currently suck at it they practice. They give out the effort. They succeed for their talents.

Social people rely on their charm. They don’t really know how to make the perfect meal but they know how and where to get it. It’s a matter of who you know and how you know them.

The Lazy people? Well, this is pretty much a given. They rely on time and luck. You know when the Pizza guy gets there really really early? That’s a prime example. They don’t care for the quality of food, they’re pretty much content on their own. And hence their lazy personality.

So, which one are you?